I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
