Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best revenge is premature balding
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
