i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
