I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
