he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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