Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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