I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
