we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
