Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have fence marks all over my body
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize