It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
