omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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