so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
