He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
