I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
well you can't waste a boner
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
