I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
