can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
