That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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