I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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