My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
