I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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