he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
