we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
