I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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