did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
