I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
