I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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