Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
