drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
this hospital has no fireball
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
