she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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