You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
