Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
