yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
