cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
