There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
