Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
