no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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