What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
