She just used a chaser for red wine.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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