then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my shit smells like andre
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
