It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
