I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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