his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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