So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
