Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
