He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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