On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
