I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
