her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
