I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize