How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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