Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
