You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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