I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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