Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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