There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
