The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize