I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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