So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
