I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
