I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
