they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize