I think my fart just growled at me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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