You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
