mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
