OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
