Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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