if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
