I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
