Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
