Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
