Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
