i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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