we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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