She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
