quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize