I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
