someone get that fucking seahorse.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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