So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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