I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize