CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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