So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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