I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
