you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
