i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
whose parrot is this?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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