just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
