I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
