ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize