Sponge bath it is.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
