Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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