break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
