i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
