you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
