Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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