Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
