Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Alive.
So much puke
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
