I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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