I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
