census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
