It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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