So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
