Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
These tits shall not be calmed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
