I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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