Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
