Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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