I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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