Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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