Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
