Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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