yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
