I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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